We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Ketchup is God's man juice
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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