I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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