You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
