just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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