Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
