D3 body, D1 cock
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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