Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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