when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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