the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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