apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
