what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
