Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
