Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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