she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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