Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You've changed since you got that strap on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
