I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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