Girls should come with a carfax report
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
