If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
