Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dignity is for republicans.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
