why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
