Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
