and you said cock pushups were impossible
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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