Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
