We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
