Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
