No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Blood and glitter go together right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize