The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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