It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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