I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
