Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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