Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
