did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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