i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
