I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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