Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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