i just had sex bonerless
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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