i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
