I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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