we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
