I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
