dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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