so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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