My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
