He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
