I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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