Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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