It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
