best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
