Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
