I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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