just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
