Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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