the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
