Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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