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Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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