I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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