I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
