If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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