Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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