it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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