first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
