Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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