We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
