No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
