Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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