Betty ford says i'm here all night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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