he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
