i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
