There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
pop tarts are not kleenex
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
