Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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