i already hear my dad disowning me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
