you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
