Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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