sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize