he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
