Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
